I find myself at this time of life to be very tired. I live in an environment where smiles, words if encouragement and hope, joy, positivity, and faith are all expected. But what do you do when none of those attributes can be found? Where is your reprieve? Where is your rest?

Everywhere you turn there are people looking to you to be positive and up, but if you ever seem not to be that way, all of a sudden they come out of the woodwork with all of these well-intentioned words to build you up and encourage you. The problem is that most of the word they use come across as nothing more than a regurgitation of old Christian qliches that seem to hold no real life. What does the preacher do when HE feels hopeless? What does the prophet do when he seems to have lost his footing? Is there any opportunity for that man to be weak? Is it just ok for others to be weak and tired, but not for the "man of God?"

I don't really know right now. Life for me at this moment is frustrating and bothersome. I have blood pressure issues that few are even aware of and stress issues that I'm simply told to suck up and be a man about them. And that's to suggest that I'm less of a man because of my lack of dealing with issues the way THEY think I should.

Where is the peace? Where is the hope? Where is the joy? At this point, I really wish I knew.

Health issues creep up on me and threaten to take me out. Often I am unaware if how to deal with them. I have so much more that I can do with my life, but feel as if I can't even FIND the surface to barely scratch it.

It's in moments like these that I just want to retreat and run. But unfortunately I am not allowed to. Men of God never run, never retreat, never fail, and never make mistakes, right? At least that is what is portrayed. But what to do?

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